Monday, October 8, 2007

these website people told me to become Oedipus

Next Blogging today (yes, I have a problem, and I figure there's no better way to deal with it than to make it into a verb), I found a blog with a button indicating that the blogger was "good enough to go to Heaven." Wtf? When I clicked through, I discovered www.needgod.com.

The site promises that an eight question quiz will answer two questions:
1. Am I a good person according to God's standards?
2. If so, am I good enough to go to Heaven?

The eight questions include such deep thoughts as:
- Have you given money to charity?
- Have you ever looked at someone and had lustful thoughts?

Hmmm... question one is easy and gets me one step closer to Heaven. But question two is a bit more tricky because I am not an amoeba. Sadly, there are more questions like #2 than like #1. Who is this quiz for, rocks?!

I finish my eight questions, feeling most un-rock-like, and click through. Oooh, surprise, I am not a good person according to this crappy website's standards. And the site tells me, "Our straightforwardness is motivated by a genuine concern for your soul." Wow. People have only faked concern for my soul in the past; finally I've found genuine concern in an anonymous survey online.

Then I click to find out if I'm good enough (I am not adding all these random italics; perhaps they help one become a better person according to God's standards) to go to Heaven. Sadly, I'm guilty of breaking His commandments, and apparently I'm going to hell, which I'm told should concern me. And this is why it should concern me (direct quote, I swear):

Would you sell one of your eyes for a million dollars? How about both eyes for ten million? No one in their right mind would! Your eyes are precious to you... but they are only a "window" for your soul. Your soul (your inner being, your life, your personality) looks out through those eyes. Consider how precious your eyes are... then realize that Jesus said that Hell is so horrible that you would be better off tearing out your own eyes than ending up there for all eternity.

RainyBow


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SunnyShine note: I couldn't resist and took the test myself. I am also going to hell - direct flight in coach. Did you get this too:

Perhaps you feel safe because you don't believe in Hell. This can be likened to standing in the middle of a busy highway and shouting, "I don't believe in trucks!" Your belief or disbelief in trucks will not change reality. The same applies in this situation. Your disbelief in Hell will not cause it to cease to exist. God has given us HIS WORD on the existence and purpose of Hell... LOOK HERE to see what God says in the Bible about Hell.

I wonder if hell is going to go the way of limbo?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

no lustful thoughts, ha! I wanna try the truck thing. I'm going to do the test myself now. See you in hell!

Emory said...

Now that is brilliant. I guess I'll be going to damnation village in the car pool lane .... how kool is that, and what should I pack.

GTG play Ouiji with Dick Cheney!