Wednesday, October 31, 2007

call me a curmudgeon, but....

I just walked by a meeting at my place of work (an office building) with the following people in attendance:
- Bob Marley
- a 1980s rocker
- a geisha
- a cat (walking into room on two legs)
- two other people in normal clothes who did not look amused.

OK, people, I know it's Hallowe'en, and I enjoy seeing children dressed up as much as the next person. Plus I love candy. But is it really necessary when you're an adult to come to the office to perform your regular work duties in this kind of attire?

As a side note, I haven't been able to think about 911 the same way since a friend of mine, who was briefly in charge of one 911 shift, told me that the night shift regularly has costume contests to keep the employees awake. Think about it. When you call 911 to get help because someone in your life appears to be dying, the person answering your call may be dressed as Dracula or a pirate or a genie. Good to know, isn't it?



SunnyShine note: I'm surprised you didn't have any pics of the over-decorated desks to go along with this post. Who has time for this stuff?


Emory said...

Hmmmm! Not sure on what street corner I stand, during this riot.

It's another one of those 'flash point' issues that divides our society. Do we do, or do we don't do the dress up thingy.

There are those that want the strict Quaker adherence to normalcy, and there are those that would gladly dress as the Quaker Oat Meal guy at the drop of a hat.

To be fair, I have seen some people dress pretty halloweenie, throughout the year - usually 'yank quis' that have all the fashion sense offered by Sears, or found on the Shop at Home Network late night edition - and have seen some that cross the Emory bar of decency, a bar less known by it's height, than by it's constant adjustment.

HR dept's play hell keeping dress policies enforced, but are generelly the ones first to throw the whole shiteroo out of the window on October 31st.

I may cheer on the dress up crowd, and not want them tear gassed, but I need the streets cleared by 12:00. I also want the names of ringleaders taken, and all CLMs (career limiting moves)added to their dossiers.

complain away said...

Would like some clarification on your guidelines. For e.g., with the curfew, are we talking 12am or 12pm? And are these dossiers you speak of in a locked cabinet or posted on the company intranet?

It's difficult to determine if the Emory bar of decency has a tendency toward lenient or stringent, leading to confusion as to whether the Emory group of companies makes the top 10 employers or the hall of shame.

Emory said...

That would be bewitching hour. There is no decent riot that ends before midnight. Ask Lindsey.

All dossiers will be shared with Interpol, Mossad, and the Papparazi! and will be broadcast over the 'interwebs.'

All HR depts will be headed by drama llamas, preferebly ghey ones approved by a member of the GOP.

I am reinstituting the 'casting couch' hiring model of the 1930s. We have to get back to basics. All this hiring for knowledge, based on qualifications and work experience, has been replaced by exploitation of low cost offshore child labor anyway.

If we can exploit the children of the third world for fun and greed, I see no reason why we shouldn't be exploiting first world suburban 'yummie mummies,' and 'Chippendale dads' for the same purpose.

Corporate salaries will be excessive. Due to current market forces we must position ourselves to attract the trully anal, and out of touch. These hirings should not be encumbered by reality. Nothing destroys a corporation quicker, than reality. Also, we will be applying today's universally accepted model for a womens salary.

Men X 70% = Women

All women will also be allowed to reach the glass ceiling, by doing twice the amount of work of their male counterparts. We believe all women should be encoureged to reach the glass ceiling.

Enviromental policies should be based on removing the 'cold, white reflective bits' from the planets poles. We have done a good job at endangering other species, but more needs to be done!

Customer focus. WE do not provide quaility products or services (services are for jesters) We provide extremly cheap, shoddy, disposable products aimed at todays 'I want NOW' neolithic consumer base. Please see 'The Mao-Mart' portfolio.

We sell only products that have minimum half life of 5,000 years, when put into a landfill, or capable of floating in the oceans for a minimum of 50 years.

Health care is needed by the unhealthy. We do not hire, or maintain unhealthy people, so there is no need for healthcare. Again, reality based initiatives are destroying profit. We do offer insurence policies based on the Katrina Model (DDD) Delay, Deny, and Drop

Benefits. You will be paid for your time off. Please understand that you are taking time off, and not your work! All work will be waiting for you upon your return.

Perhaps the confusion comes into play, when we try to 'stay on the same page.' We must have competing and conflicting departments to undercut one another. Staying focused and on the same page saves time and work.


Nothing saves time, more than teamwork and focus. This is short term thinking, that leads to the need of becoming inventive, and forward thinking.

Hope that helps!

complain away said...

emory, this is all sounding pretty familiar. Does your real name by chance include the word "Walton?"