Tuesday, September 25, 2007

everyone's favourite pick up joint: the grocery store

There's a grocery store near my house that's a renowned pick-up joint, especially for gay men, but just generally for the yuppy crowd. You wouldn't believe the number of times I (or a woman next to me) have been the target of a pick-up attempt over organic tomatoes. I remember once I tried desperately but couldn't lose this guy who was following me around the aisles. Eventually I told him that I was going through a really messy divorce; that seemed to do the trick.

A couple of months ago, when I was checking out at a different grocery store, this guy behind me leaned over and said, "You're a really healthy eater. That's rare and nice to see for a change." Creeped out, I made a quick escape.

So after all this creepy grocery shopping experience, today was a bit of a shocker. I was standing in line at the check-out, getting more than my fill of such controversial world issues as Angelina's weight problems and Britney's drinking, when I noticed a guy two people in front of me checking out. You have to understand that I didn't even see his face. I did, however, get fixated on his food, and I started to get excited about what he had and what I thought it meant:

- cloth bags, swung over his shoulder - caring; concerned about the environment
- whole wheat bread - a real man; no silly obsession with low carb diets
- vegetables galore - healthy lifestyle; the kind of guy who doesn't actually eat out of a box, and who might actually cook for me
- coconut milk - likes Thai food - no, wait, even knows how to cook Thai food (!!)
- egg replacer - could he be a vegan? (heart palpitations)

Fantasies of myself and this faceless tree-hugging, healthy eating, no-fad diet, home cooking, Thai food-loving vegan having all kind of food and non-food experiences were dancing in my head when I realised....

- 1% milk - damnit, he likes dairy.

My perfect man, whom I had spotted about one minute earlier and to whom I had never spoken, was no more. And I, I quickly realised, had turned into creepy grocery store person. The kind of person people like me used to run away from. Let's hope it's only temporary.


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