Friday, September 14, 2007

bonus stuff sucks

Last week I went to a movie at the theatre I hate most in my city. Yes, another movie. I paid for this movie. Not that I usually sneak in (although I have done this, rebel without a cause that I am), but I feel the need to tell you about the payment in case you wonder if I'm a creep whining about a free event.

The movie itself was a misguided choice, I'll admit. I'm a big fan of Will Arnett in Arrested Development--who can resist the magic shows and the chicken dance, really--and I get suckered into seeing everything he does. The movies are never good, but, like all normal human beings, I never learn from my mistakes. This time I went to see The Brothers Solomon. Never, ever, see this movie.

But that's not why I felt the need to rant. You see, my friend and I had the expectation that the theatre would show the usual ads and previews and then would show the actual film. Well, someone somewhere had the bright idea that we needed a bonus element to our movie-going experience.

I should admit here that I'm generally biased against bonuses. Cracker Jack surprises, bubblegum cartoons, Cadbury Easter Creme eggs or whatever those things are with the crappy plastic toy that you have to assemble yourself with the attached Ikea-like instructions, really all of this stuff sucks. So when the Kevin Bacon look-alike came out with the mic before the movie, I knew I was going to hate whatever was going to ensue before he even opened his mouth.

And it was AMATEUR STAND UP COMEDY. Particularly bad amateur stand up comedy. I don't think a single person in the theatre laughed once. No, that's not true, the guy behind us guffawed when his friend tripped on the steps and sent his popcorn flying all over someone he didn't know. But the comedy we were subjected to as our bonus was horrific.

This has never happened to me before and must never happen again.


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