Monday, September 24, 2007

divide or multiply by 1.6?

Dear friends at Nautilus Inc.,

I frequent the treadmills at my gym on days when inclement weather makes it difficult to enjoy running outside. For the last year or so they've provided a less than desirable experience; either the mainframe was vibrating, providing the experience of running on the back of a flat bed truck, or the walk belt was not so cushioning, providing the experience of running on a concrete block.

And so, when I walked into my gym last week and saw a row of gleaming, new Nautilus(R) T916 machines I was thrilled. Now, in the early mornings when I'm alone in the gym and don't feel like turning on the lights because I'm in denial, the huge backlit LCD display provides a soothing glow. And the 16-year old boy in me drools over the flashy silver frame. On days when I have a hard time finding inner motivation, the 14 training programs are there to give me that nudge. Indoor running doesn't get much cooler than this.

But here's the problem: your company is so ridiculously American-centric that you weren't able to build a treadmill that works in the real world of running. The T916 allows for measurement only in miles, not kilometres. As you may have heard, the metric system is used in like every country in the world other than the US. It's also used in 95% of all races in the world of running--all those things that the people who actually use your treadmills train for.

Now, use of one of our treadmills requires engaging in an exercise in mathematics to ensure a desirable speed or distance. Given that I usually run early in the morning, this math exercise feels more like a painful exam, one that I'm always about to fail.

So, thanks to all of you at Nautilus, I get a refreshing start to my day, feeling like a complete idiot. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.



Complaint Department Manager said...

As a side note:
I still crack up when I go by the local Y club and watch all the fuctards who try to find the closest parking spot(and will circle multiple times) then take an elevator to the second floor(I'm not making this up) and either get on a treadmill or stairmaster for 30 minutes...It boggles the mind.

complain away said...

There's a gym near my house that doesn't even have stairs to its entrance. You HAVE to take the escalator-!!!! It really does boggle the mind.