Tuesday, August 21, 2007

stupid is as stupid does

I have had an extraordinarily bad day today. I'll spare you the details but suffice it to say that it involves the Dog and my Shoes. I'm sure you can connect the dots.

My mood was lightened somewhat when I came across two articles involving equally stupid people.

The first, which you can read here, is a story of guy who robbed his bookmaker with (and I hope you're sitting down for this) his girlfriend's vibrator. The Rampant Rabbit vibrator to be exact - which just so happens to be the #1 best seller last year at a particular shop. He got more than £600 for his effort and now has been jailed for five years. In his remarks, the judge said...

'It's right to record that you did not have a firearm but you pretended you had and intended that those you confronted believed that you did, and it must have been truly terrifying for them at the time.'

Quite frankly, I would be terrified too if someone tried to rob me with a vibrator. Imagine. Talk about a multifunction tool! Also, I can only assume this guy was not a germaphobe.

I do have a few questions about this whole thing though.
  1. Did the girlfriend break up with him upon learning of the theft of the vibrator or the theft of the money? Did she break up with him at all?
  2. Are bananas too expensive in England that they can't be used as a pretend gun?
  3. Has this started a wave of other vibrator crimes?
  4. Did the jury get to 'examine' the evidence? Was this evidence returned to the owner or did she have to buy a new one?
I really could go on and on.

OK, second news item on the docket, which you can read here, tells the tale of a dwarf (their un-PC word, not mine) whose penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner. Yes, I read it all folks and no, I don't make this stuff up.

As the story goes, he is a performer in the fringe festival and is supposed to come out with the vacuum attached to his penis by a special apparatus. Well, it seems this extra piece broke and had to be glued back together. Instead of letting it dry for 20 min as instructed, he let it dry for 20 sec. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what happened next.

I only have one question about this one. Why? Ok, I lied, I have another one. What is his job description on his CV?

Coincidentally, both of these news items are from the UK. I don't know what that means.


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