i hate facebook

A few weeks ago, I got an email with the subject line...

I've added you as a friend on Facebook...

....which immediately sent me into a tizzy. How is it possible that you, unnamed friend, have added me as a friend on facebook when I have never visited the site? Never. Jamais. Nunca. I then jumped to the conclusion that someone - my main 'mo (ok, stealing this term from Lainey @ LaineyGossip....have to give props where props are due) - must have put up a fake profile pour moi since he knows I despise it so much. One accusatory phone call later - which involved threats, searches and hard evidence - it turns out I was wrong (rare occurrence of course). It seems this is the standard facebook line whether you do or do not belong. Very presumptuous of them, isn't it?

Since that first facebook email, I have gotten at least 6 more formal requests and countless verbal ones! WTF? These same requests have now prompted me to reevaluate the relationship I have with each sender. Some may be off the island shortly. And no, I don't think this is too harsh.

[aside: hmmm. Maybe I have tipped and have now become popular? Must ponder and rectify immediately.]

Because I'm feeling charitable today, I'll spare you all the diatribe. Let's just say that aforementioned 'mo and I have not had one conversation about facebook that doesn't end in an argument and a huff. The huff is never mine.

Anyway, just so we're clear, I am not now and nor will I ever be, on facebook. Don't ask me. Don't send me requests. Don't tell me about your best friend in grade 8 who poked you, or the kindergarten friend you poked. OK? ok. If I wanted to speak to the people I played dodgeball with in grade 6, I would be speaking to them.

For the record, I am also not on myspace, twitter, classmates.com, friendster, orkut, or any other social networking site. Feel free to waste your time as you must. I have other things to do.


SunnyShine

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RainyBow comment: Well, I think my hatred of social networking sites may just rival yours. A few months ago, in a moment of weakness, I responded to one of the emails you speak of and ended up creating a profile on LinkedIn.

Yes, I'm aware that it's facebook for old people. Such a mistake. Ever since that fateful day, I've been barraged with invitation emails of three kinds:

1. From people I've actually met at some point but don't care to see or speak to ever again. These people inevitably want to ressurect the fantastic bond they feel we once shared. My latest example of this is of this chick from high school (btw, a very long time ago) who sounded so pumped to be sending me a note. Just seeing her name in my inbox dredged up all kinds of delightful memories about the horrible things she did to hurt my best friend in high school. As you say above, if I wanted your email address, I would have figured out a way to get it by now. Don't write.

2. From people I have never met before in my life, who happened at some point to work at the same company I did. That company employed thousands of people. Inevitably, I look at this person's profile out of sheer curiosity and discover that he or she has about 2.6 billion "contacts." I'll bet he or she actually knows about 5 of them.

3. From people I swear I have never met before in my life who seem to feel strongly that they know me. These people always send me their invitation with a personalised story from the past. The only problem is that I was never part of that drunken, naked frolic around the football field in the snow. Really. Or maybe I have amnesia. Fair enough.

So I ignore all of the requests I get, which kind of defeats the purpose of social networking. But then I'm all proud of myself because I feel like I'm making a big stand or something.

Yeah, that's it.