Friday, November 2, 2007

my mother is crazy

My mother is crazy. I know I said that in the subject line but it bears repeating. She lives about 5 hours from here and I speak to her every other week or so. It takes me about two weeks to work up enough energy to get through the conversation, and even then, it wears me out.

My mother has never been the motherly type and probably shouldn't have had children. Such as it is, I don't ever expect gifts or celebrations or holiday festivities. I am always amazed when I see houses full of holiday cheer or hear my colleagues stories of rooms full of gifts and multitudes of family celebrations. This is all foreign to me.

A few years ago, my mother passed through town when I wasn't here and left a gift for me with my sister. She called me to let me know that she was giving me a very expensive ring that she never wears because 'someone should wear it before I die. Merry Christmas.' She's 62. She's not going anywhere any time soon, believe me.

Since that time, she has left other baubles for me with similar fanfare. I have to say that I don't really wear a ton of jewelry. I barely ever put on earrings. I sometimes will wear a necklace or a bracelet but mostly, I wear a ring that I bought in South Africa and that's it. She has, over the years, purchased a ridiculous amount of expensive jewelry and now it seems she doesn't want any of it. A lot of it is now in my possession whether I want it or not.

One of the other things she gave me is a ginormous ruby pendant. The stone is so big, and the setting is so small, that it doesn't sit properly and always turns itself around. I wore it once and got so annoyed that I haven't worn it again. It now sits in a drawer in my kitchen with the rest of the hand-me-down jewelry that could pay off a good portion of my mortgage. Note to self: get safe deposit box.

I'm now getting to the point of this post. A few weeks ago, my mother called and requested the pendant back. Not an issue. She said she would give me a ring instead because she doesn't feel like wearing rings any more. I told her I didn't need anything but if she wanted the pendant back, she could have it back. The rest of the conversation went something like this:

mom: Well, I don't want you to think that I am taking it from you.

me: I don't care. You want it, so take it.

mom: It's not that I want it back, but I would wear it.

me: It's fine, you can have it.

mom: Well I don't want you to think that I gave you something that I am taking back cause you can keep it if you want.

me: It's fine, I don't care.

mom: Well you can have the sapphire ring instead but it's not worth nearly as much so I don't want you to think that I am taking it. You can keep it if you want.

me: You can have it. (putting hot needle through eye to dull pain)

mom: Do you wear it.

me: No, it's too big for the setting.

mom: Well why don't you get it reset and wear it?

me: I thought you wanted it.

mom: I don't want you to think I gave you something and I'm taking it back.


me: Just come and get it.

mom: Well, does it need to be reset?

me: I just said that.

mom: Well, if you know someone who can reset it, why don't you get it done so I can wear it?

me: OK. What kind of setting do you want?

mom: I don't know. Do what you think would look nice.

me: ok

mom: But nothing too big. And, I don't like white gold. And, no funny designs.

me: ok

mom: Do you still want the ring?

me: gotta go.

I had two migraines in the past week, is it any surprise?

SunnyShine (all blinged out)

RainyBow note: I'll bet my dad has some articles on the perils of resetting stones in a pendant. He's probably got others about how jewellery can kill (who knows how?) and about how mothers and daughters who don't speak frequently die earlier than those who do. Please let me know if you'd like him to orate on such topics.

I also think it would be highly amusing to put your mother the crazy and my dad in the crazy in the same room. Of course, I'm not sure I'd want to actually be in that room.


Whiner Girl said...

Oi!! How the mothers can drive us crazy!! I know my mother does, but at the whole other end of the spectrum. I'll be sure to write about that one of these days. Your mother, on the other hand, sounds a lot like how my grandmother was. Good luck with that!

complain away said...

She is all kinds of crazy.