Monday, November 26, 2007

i finally know how to relieve constipation

Went out with friend-of-the-34-hour-date fame. He's still dating the girl, and I think I heard something about it getting serious. I have to admit that I'm not quite sure as I blanked out several times during our conversation. I wasn't hammered or even remotely inebriated. As has been the pattern over years of friendship, tonight he was the girl, talking endlessly about his relationship, his feelings, his hopes and dreams and his biggest fears. I, on the other hand, was the guy, grunting, cutting in and out to my fantasies of the hot new guy at the gym (far too young but with a delightful devil-may-care look), and picking a little fight here and there to show I was still listening.

Now and then, I'm reassured that my buddy's still a guy when he gets on the topic of his beloved car. He'll insist on driving me to a pizza joint in a whole other city just to show off how his car handles varying driving conditions ("Look at how she takes this turn on the side road. See how this is different from the city streets we were on earlier?"). Then, the pizza will be a bit raunchy and "to make up for it," he'll insist on driving me to a completely different city for a drink. He cannot be convinced to park the car and walk somewhere for pizza and a drink in the downtown core of the city in which we live.

These days, my buddy's biggest obsession with his car is with the heated seats. As he will tell absolutely anybody, he's convinced that they rid him of constipation. That's right, in his mind, heat on one's backside is a catalyst for bowel movements. Tonight was nasty and rainy here, and when I went to turn on the heat for my seat, he cautioned, "Wait, do you really want to do that? You know what'll happen."

I told him I would chance it.

I've asked many times what scientific basis he might have for said theory, and he says it's trial and error. Huh?



SunnyShine note: This is complete crap. (hee) I love me a heated seat and I keep mine on all the time. I love them so much, if the heat thing ever broke and could not be repaired, I would have to go out and buy a new vehicle immediately. I'm not kidding. Never once have I had this heated-seat-related-bowel-issue. I think men are just sensitive to heat on their posteriors. My main 'mo has an issue with them as well; his old car had some kind of issue with the heated seats and he burned his backside. I still laugh every time I think of it. Whenever I drive his car, I turn the seats up to max and purposely leave it on for him. Good times.

RainyBow note: Burned his backside? Lmao. 34-hour-date boy must never hear of this.


SunnyShine note: Funniest-thing-ever. When you meet him, I'll get him to tell you.


Marnie said...

A friend of mine says that warm feeling on her backside makes her feel as if she's wet her pants. People have strange issues with these heated seats.

complain away said...

But what do these people do when they go to a warm country, where their backside always feels hot? Seriously, am I missing something?