Wednesday, January 30, 2008

when does it stop being fun and start being cougar?

I meet guys at the gym all the time. This evening a hottie I've seen before talked me up. After a few minutes of conversation, I decided he wasn't just hot but also rather smart. All was going well until he dropped a piece of information indicating that he was at least 14 years my junior. Then he asked for my phone number.

I've dated younger guys before, but I've always been careful to stay within the generation gap (10 years). What should I have done here?

To any of you tempted to respond that age doesn't matter, it doesn't matter for older guys, but don't forget that double-standards abound in my world. When does one officially become a cougar?



SunnyShine note: NIKE


Emory said...

When one considers herself to be a Cougar, I suppose. (should never stop being fun either)

There is nothing wrong with an older women taking a younger a man under her wing; they can learn a lot about women beyond their normal hormonal rage - they can develope a sense of what women are, from mature women, more than they can from an infactuated girl.

These lessons can last a lifetime, indeed, change a young mans perception of women and make them better men as they age.

I think the test would be whether the young male could understand these lessons, or would he consider you a pelt - in that clumsy hard wired way less seasoned men do.

If that becomes apherant you should consider whom is skinning whom. The dalliance of a Couger, can be beneficial to both - and harmless if expectations are communicated.

The general 'rule o'thumb' isn't a decade. It is your age divided by two plus seven for WOMEN.... and Bank account size for Men, land holdings, plus legal statutory requires (of course)

Women being more complicated then men. Men needing legal codification.

e<-- ducks out to check bank statement....

Fellow grammarian said...

To me a cougar is someone who is constantly prowling only for younger men. If you are open to dating men both older and younger than yourself, then you can't be called a cougar.

I think you should go for it!

Complaint Department Manager said...

Bottom line: Cougar is a societal label. Labels come and gothe more attention one pays to such a label, the more power and longevity it has.(gets off soap box)

Do whatever the hell you want, just be up front, both of you and nothing else matters. End of story.

complain away said...

You're all much kinder to me than I am. Thanks, I think.

Still, FG, I've failed your test over the past few years. And Emory & CDM, I wasn't exactly forthcoming with my actual age in our first conversation. But I don't think that was intentional, I think it's just that blurting out how old you are when you've spoken to someone for five minutes is just weird. Or maybe that's what I'm telling myself. Friends of mine would tell you that I go for the younger guys so that there's no real risk of the relationship going long term. But let's not psychoanalyze too heavily, shall we? Especially when I'm tipsy.

What did I actually do last night? Experiencing some panic over the cougar issue, I played up an inability to find a pen (and thus inability to provide my phone number).

Lame, I know. I haven't fully dodged the sitch though as I will run into him again soon. Will report back.

Whiner Girl said...

I believe one becomes a cougar when it's a pattern. One young male doesn't a cougar make. Ten young men? Well ... then society will stamp your forehead (but not I ... you go girl!!)

Busplunge said...

This is such an interesting subject. I had received an email photo of a man holding a big cougar and I was wondering how to use it. Then I learned that a cougar is more than a big cat. Thanks for the insight.

btw, is this a cougar?

FG said...

I've recently found out that the acceptable youngest age you should date is (your age divided by 2 plus 7). So if you're 30, you should never date anyone younger than 22. Has nothing to do with the cougar label -- the rule applies to men and women alike.