Sunday, February 3, 2008

5 things that make me go hmmmm

1. Friday night over beer, I heard the sad story of how a friend's wife had left him. At around 3am he dropped me off in front of my house in a cab. As he was saying goodbye, he grabbed my hand and kissed the top of it. Unfortunately, I was wearing a pair of gloves, so he smooched a blend of wool and cotton. Yes, he was drunk, but still.

2. Yesterday I stopped at a store up the street to buy some gum. The guy behind the counter looked at me blankly as I pulled out some change. "Do you know the price of this?" he asked. Ummmm, no. He had to call someone to find out.

3. Late last week I went out for dinner at a fancy schmancy restaurant with a friend. The server took one look at us and said, "Wow, I'm so glad to have city people now. Everyone tonight has been so suburban. I asked a family if they wanted sparkling or flat, and they looked at me like I was crazy. And I can't believe I had to explain to someone what dulce de leche is. Don't people know anything anymore?!" Wow, I'm so glad to be served by a complete asshole.

4. I pulled into my parking space last night just after 11pm and noted that the car next to mine had two windows knocked out and case upon case of potato chips in the back seat. Perhaps someone had broken into his vehicle to give him the gift of Lays?!

5. The piano is playing as I write this. It was playing yesterday too. The people next door persist in their piano escapades, even though the condo board has threatened to take legal action. Perhaps eviction has become the new cool thing?



Emory said...

A few of these Hmmm's are old, but why not.

1.) Took my car in, and asked the clerk how long it would take to rotate the tires. The response was 'depends on how many tires?'
Hmmmm, I guess he thought I was defending the lead lap, in the NASCAR Life 500.

Was at a wine emporium and noticed a sign;

'If you are 30 years of age or younger please have your identification ready at check out; we card for your protection and for ours."

Hmmmm, what are they protecting 30 year olds or younger from, that they are willing to let 30 years olds or older risk.

Called the 800 number for Whiska's Cat food, to tell them that I had purchased their product, and that it was rancid.

They asked; 'Did it harm your cat,' and I told them no. Their response was an apology and said they would send me some coupons for more Whiska's.

Hmmmm, are they trying to harm my cat?

She asked - in a pleading, and vunerable tone - would I mind bringing her some TP?

Hmmm, did I miss a bargaining opportunity?

complain away said...

Oh, oldies but goodies.

I read this earlier today and am still scratching my head over the Whiska's call. If you had said yes, what would they have done? Years ago I called Nabisco to complain that I'd just discovered that Oreos had lard amongst their ingredients, and therefore weren't vegetarian. They sent me coupons for more Oreos. Gee, thanks, I'm complaining about the lard so that I can get some more of it.

(Nabisco started promoting Oreos as kosher food recently though, which means no more lard. Thanks, Judaism!)

And, Emory, never, ever, bargain on the TP. You will pay for it later, I promise you!