Monday, June 9, 2008

things that have been said to me in an elevator, vol. 2

On Sunday I ran into my friend down the hall of just-borrow-my-Porsche fame. It's been a while, and I think he's been working on the lines. Here are my top 3 bits from this encounter. Keep in mind that this was all said (amongst other things) in an elevator over the space of about 20 floors. Also keep in mind that he is not someone anyone should take dating tips from, ever.

1.
Mr. Porsche: OK, so for a second I thought you were with that guy who got into the elevator with you.
Me: That guy?
Mr. P.: Yeah. But then I thought about it for a minute and realized that no guy who was with you with any brain in his head would ever actually leave his apartment.

2.
Mr. Porsche: Hey, I think you've got some new muscle.
Me: Thanks, but I actually lost more weight over the last couple of months. Boo.
Mr. P.: Well, if you'd just take all your clothes off, we could settle this once and for all.

3.
Mr. Porsche: Wow, it sure is hot out, huh?
Me: Yeah. I love the heat.
Mr. P.: I just run the AC all the time on days like this. I can't stand to be outside.
Me: Too bad. You must hate summer.
Mr. P.: Ah, it doesn't matter. Nothing that I want to do to you involves being outside.

3 comments:

Emory said...

Man, now I am the one needing the disposable nausea bag!

It's hard to believe that creatures like this still exist.

innkeeper said...

And you didn't kill him right there on any of those three occasions? What's wrong with you?

complain away said...

Oh, the story goes on. On my way out from my house this evening, I ran into buddy heading toward the elevators. After Sunday's encounter, I thought it best to feign having left my phone in my house so said I had to get it and turned back. As I was unlocking my door, he said, "Hey, I knocked on your door last night. You didn't answer. How late can I knock again?"

Does the madness ever end?