Wednesday, June 4, 2008

rampant materialism, continued

Lately I've been a bit traumatized by the materialism running rampant in my work and social circles. I'm not sure if it's gotten worse, or whether I've just become more intolerant. Last week I listened to a friend lament that the rock on her engagement ring (given to her by the man she lives with, whom she adores) wasn't worthy of her. Tonight this conversation occurred over drinks at a friend's house:

Friend #1: Well, we've been talking about having a second kid. It would be great for our little one to have a sibling, but, you know, Mark really wants his Jag.

Me: [swearing under breath after friend #2 kicked me under the table]

Friend #2: [laughing nervously] You're joking, right?

Friend #1: I guess so. I mean, yeah. Kind of.

For the unborn child's sake, I really hope they opt for the Jag.

11 comments:

Complaint Department Manager said...

Don't know how times are up in the Great White North, but down here, if I heard someone looking to buy a Jag, I'd have to ask if they were high. My brother-in-law clears 100 g's but even he couldn't afford that maintenance bill.

Jon said...

Old Jag or new Jag? If it's pre-1970, get the Jag. If he's talking about a new one, remind him that Ford killed the brand in 1989 when they bought it, and punch him in the face.

Either way, they shouldn't be reproducing any more.

Emory said...

I love my Jaguar; love my children too, but I prefer the Jag.

The differences between the two are fairly straight forward.

Jaguar's can be kept clean, children cannot.

Jaguars are not as expensive as children, nor are they as complex.

You can sell a Jaguar when it becomes a problem, selling a child is not an option - or ought not to be. (you can donate them to an orphanage, but you don't get the tax benefit)

Jaguars are more fuel efficient. A gallon of 93 octane is $4.25, and will take you anywhere between 26 and 32 miles. A bowl of healthy cereal, with milk will run about $3.25, but will last less than 15 mins.

Jaguars carry Golf Clubs; children do not.

All Jaguars are very attractive - I have seen some pretty ugly children (not mine of course.)

Jaguars never get 'bored' and never say - 'there's nothing to do'

Jaguars do not smell, and their filters only need changing periodicaly. Babies on the hand require frequent changes, and more often than not emit a foul odor to alert everyone when they need changing.

A Jaguar will never embarrass you.

Jaguars have a deep throaty growl when excited; children will often let out ear piercing shrieks for no apherent reason.

Jaguars play well will other Jaguars; whereas children have to be supervised, and networked.

All Jaguars come with an owners manual.

Jaguars come with NAV systems and on board computers that never need upgrading. Children come with nothing, and must be upgraded with cell phones, IPods, laptops ECT frequently.

..... I could go on.

Jon,

You are wrong about Jags. Ford did a great job, and infused a great deal of capitol into the brand. They got rid of many crappy suppliers, including Lucas Electric (prince of Darkness) which attributed to Jaguars poor reputation - 1970~1996. They upgraded the manufacturing facitities (same factory that delived Supermarine Spitfires during WWII)

Today, Jaguar has higher reliability ranking than BMW or Mercedes-Benz. They still have a lower resale due to reputaion. You can pick up a fantastic Jaguar (1997 - Present) for much less than their competitors.

The new XF and XK8 are trully great machines. S-Types (retro) are awesome, and the X Type is a very reliable platform.

Don't believe me though, just go test drive one for giggles this weekend. You will be very impressed; although making babies is also a great deal of fun, and if done right can be equally impressive. But, be warned, test driving either can lead to an expensive, if unintended purchase.

Emory - goes to 'time out' for piggery.

complain away said...

Well, I could punch the future jag owner in the face but that might scratch up my perfectly manicured nails, and, of course, my big fat rock. ;)

And emory, I know I was out there for a while, but did I really miss the rather major event of your family gaining children who don't sport fur?

Whiner Girl said...

Well, one would think they'd squeeze both in. I mean, children are also belongings and fashion accessories these days ... as illustrated by "Constantly Complaining"

Emory said...

There will be no physical violence perpetrated upon ANY Jaguar owner. If you feel the need for violence, please assault a BMW owner....

Now, go and get a disposable nausea bag, and watch this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UBRm23qPhI


and this one is for Jon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfFRQ-StpwA

------------

Nope, you missed about as much as Terri Schivo did while you where gone.

E<-- extends time-out for insensative Schiavo remark.

complain away said...

emory, I'm impressed that you're even forming complete sentences. I figured you'd be out of commission for at least a week post-Obama nomination confirmation. You know, lying on your couch in your underwear, hungover and completely useless....

WG, agreed, but I guess in this case they aren't complementary accessories. I don't see a lot of mid-life crisis (sorry, emory!) jag owners who also haul around the child car seats where I live. Perhaps the expensive rare breed dog (that the jag owner realizes to late is a lot of work) would be a better accessory choice in this case.

Emory said...

Arhg! more Jahg stereotyping. Naughty typers, oblivious to the supreme quailities of the X, S, XF, XK, and XJ types.

Eek! maybe everyone just drive a Honda or an Echo.

Obama! Obama! O BAM MA!

Love this 'black man.' He will Change our world - wait and see; or better yet - participate.
The idealism, the focus, the decentcy - why it makes you want to club a cynic. YES it does.

Thrilled beyond alcohol, too excited to lay around. Giddy with idealism, supercharged with niavity.... Make me wanna Holler!Mercy, Mercy me. America is tired of tbeing a Troubled Man.

complain away said...

You may have to club me! I'd like to believe you're right, but it's a hugely optimistic leap of faith to believe that Obama's the cure to all that ails the U.S.

(I don't think I ever touched on this, so I should disclose that I'm a disgruntled Edwards supporter. "If we truly believe that we are all equal, then we should live together too.")

Emory said...

"optimistic leap of faith to believe that Obama's the cure to all that ails the U.S. "

Love it. Yes it is.

I won't bore you with a political diatribe, but will leave you with a quote from Bobby Kennedy.

Some see the world and ask why? Others see a world and ask why not?

Obama is such a man. A leader that inspires the people to change the 'trajectory' of America. Of course he cannot do this by himself; he needs people to take that 'optimistic leap of faith'

Nothing worthy has ever been accomplished without such a leap.


E<--- Taking a leap.

complain away said...

Lots to say on this but I'll just leave it at this: I'm happy that you're jumping, but please be careful where you land.

(Says she, the hopeless cynic.)