Tuesday, September 30, 2008

my foot apparently likes my mouth

Last week I went to a wedding. I was alone and one of my best friends was getting married to someone I'm sort of learning to live with. So I put on a slinky dress and had what I would call a bit too much to drink. And then I stuck my foot in my mouth, twice.

First, someone at my table complimented me by saying that I had such great facial features that I could probably shave my head and still look good. Super nice, huh? Well, instead of just saying "thanks," I came up with--wait for it--"Yeah, I've thought about shaving my head." [I WHAT? Since when had I thought about shaving my head?] Then I said, "But, you know, I'm waiting for someone I know to get cancer so that I can be all noble and pretend I'm shaving my head in solidarity. But it's not like I want one of my friends to get a bad kind of cancer; it would be great if someone could get something he or she could beat in like two days, like toe cancer or something."

I laughed. Nobody else did.

But it's not like that taught me a lesson. Oh no.

At that point, people at the table were still speaking to me. So someone else randomly complimented me on my earrings. Did I say thanks? Oh no, not this time either. I gave up a story about my relatives and how they're so desperate to see me get married, to anyone. I told them I had a theory that the relatives are willing to buy me crazy expensive bling in the vague hopes that it might attract a husband. And then I topped the story off by asking one of the married guys at the table, "So, are the earrings working? Do you want to leave your wife immediately for me?"

I laughed. Nobody else did. And then the guy sitting next to me turned to me and said quietly, "Well, he did leave her. And they just got back together."

Ack.

7 comments:

kden said...

Well, clearly they are the ones without a sense of humor. I would have laughed. But I have been known to laugh at inappropriate times, like at funerals. Have you ever gotten the nervous giggles at a funeral?!?!?!

So you got nuthin' on me baby ;-)

Complaint Department Manager said...

Is it possible to drunk dial an entire table on conference call? I'm not sure what I would have done, but if I was there and was a friend, I would have at least found some way to cover you or nudge you when needed.

Whiner Girl said...

I must say that I would have guffawed openly at both of your statements. Then I would have asked you to have a shot with me!! Cheers!!

Whiner Girl said...

Ummm, are you still around? Helloooo????

anml_lvr said...

Uhhhh, Rainybow? Are you still here? I want to here more of you complaining.

Whiner Girl said...

Congrats!! You win the award for, "Longest Hiatus Ever!!" Come back, woman!!

Anonymous said...

I don't know what hiatus means, but for Pete's sake, you need to come back!