Tuesday, September 30, 2008

my foot apparently likes my mouth

Last week I went to a wedding. I was alone and one of my best friends was getting married to someone I'm sort of learning to live with. So I put on a slinky dress and had what I would call a bit too much to drink. And then I stuck my foot in my mouth, twice.

First, someone at my table complimented me by saying that I had such great facial features that I could probably shave my head and still look good. Super nice, huh? Well, instead of just saying "thanks," I came up with--wait for it--"Yeah, I've thought about shaving my head." [I WHAT? Since when had I thought about shaving my head?] Then I said, "But, you know, I'm waiting for someone I know to get cancer so that I can be all noble and pretend I'm shaving my head in solidarity. But it's not like I want one of my friends to get a bad kind of cancer; it would be great if someone could get something he or she could beat in like two days, like toe cancer or something."

I laughed. Nobody else did.

But it's not like that taught me a lesson. Oh no.

At that point, people at the table were still speaking to me. So someone else randomly complimented me on my earrings. Did I say thanks? Oh no, not this time either. I gave up a story about my relatives and how they're so desperate to see me get married, to anyone. I told them I had a theory that the relatives are willing to buy me crazy expensive bling in the vague hopes that it might attract a husband. And then I topped the story off by asking one of the married guys at the table, "So, are the earrings working? Do you want to leave your wife immediately for me?"

I laughed. Nobody else did. And then the guy sitting next to me turned to me and said quietly, "Well, he did leave her. And they just got back together."



kden said...

Well, clearly they are the ones without a sense of humor. I would have laughed. But I have been known to laugh at inappropriate times, like at funerals. Have you ever gotten the nervous giggles at a funeral?!?!?!

So you got nuthin' on me baby ;-)

Complaint Department Manager said...

Is it possible to drunk dial an entire table on conference call? I'm not sure what I would have done, but if I was there and was a friend, I would have at least found some way to cover you or nudge you when needed.

Whiner Girl said...

I must say that I would have guffawed openly at both of your statements. Then I would have asked you to have a shot with me!! Cheers!!

Whiner Girl said...

Ummm, are you still around? Helloooo????

anml_lvr said...

Uhhhh, Rainybow? Are you still here? I want to here more of you complaining.

Whiner Girl said...

Congrats!! You win the award for, "Longest Hiatus Ever!!" Come back, woman!!

Anonymous said...

I don't know what hiatus means, but for Pete's sake, you need to come back!