Sunday, July 6, 2008

where do i get that mask?

On Thursday after work, I had coffee with a new guy I barely know. The conversation was good. However, I suspect I will never hear from him again.

You see, I live near my city's Church of Scientology. I'm not big on Scientology. In fact, I'm not big on religion generally, but I'm really not big on Scientology. At any rate, the Scientologists here are very industrious in their recruitment, and they're always out on the street, handing out flyers and trying to get people to take their stress tests. (And now that we're on the topic, has anyone actually taken the stress test? I wonder if anyone ever gets told he or she isn't stressed.) Since I pass their office so frequently, the regular recruitment people all recognize me.

So on Friday, as new guy was walking me home from coffee, as we passed Scientology (open at all hours, I swear), one of the flyer guys gave me a big smile and a "hey, nice to see you. How are you doing?" Buddy's head swung around quickly and he said, "You know that guy?"

I tried to explain that I pass by their office a lot, just because I live there. The pace of our walk picked up considerably. The goodbye was cursory at best.

Damn those Scientologists for screwing up my love life. You know how those Anonymous people protest in their masks and tell stories about their family members being brainwashed and mistreated by L. Ron Hubbard's followers? Well, maybe I should get a mask and tell the sad story of how Scientologists ruined my date.

I'm not sure that's the real point of the Anonymous group, but they must welcome all new members, no?


Anonymous said...

Scientology is often the kiss of death to those associated with it. You should explain to your acquaintance that you are not involved in the cult.

Emory said...

Ah ha... You'll be sing'in a different tune when that big space ship lands in Colorado, or wherever it is supposed to go.

Personaly I miss my friends at the Heavens Gate frat house.


complain away said...

Yeah, hitch me up to the comet, baby.

My favourite is that Indian mystic guy who was obsessed with Rolls Royces... because a Rolls screams religion to me! He set up those towns in Oregon in the 1980s and then poisoned a bunch of people with salmonella to win elections.

I'm too lazy to even look up his name, but, hey, if you're gonna join a cult, why not join one with a delightful combination of expensive, creepy cars, and deadly, creepy diseases?! Sounds like good fun, no?