Wednesday, December 12, 2007

thanks, i'll pass on the fetish party

Every girl needs to have at least one great gay male friend. I think that's a codified rule somewhere, although it may only be in some creepy yaya sisterhood. One of my faves is my hair stylist, who's been cutting my hair for about nine years. Said hair stylist and I usually spend all of my appointments laughing so hard we're crying, which means my hair has a tendency to turn out a wee bit lopsided. But it gives me character.

I have gone out with hair stylist in the past. He is great fun and exposes me to situations I don't normally encounter in my relatively sedate straight world. However, there are always two drawbacks: first, he forces me to wear makeup (ick) and second, he'll always ditch me as soon as he spots a hottie. This second drawback is another one of those codified rules: when you go out with a (normal) woman and she meets a hot guy, she'll say, "Oh, my friend is here, I have to make sure she gets home OK." When you go out with a gay guy, the minute he locks eyes with the hottie across the room, he's already forgotten you exist.

Two weeks ago stylist buddy sent me an email that said merely, "Fetish party Saturday?" Sadly (?), I had family obligations. So when I got my hair cut this afternoon, I asked how the party went. "I lined up to get spanked," he said. "The party was life-changing." He queued for a spanking?! I pondered this for a moment, then decided answers to any of the obvious questions couldn't possibly be satisfying. Instead I asked why the party was life-changing.

Apparently he walked in, alone, and made pathetic conversation with the first hot guy he saw. Hottie was wearing a kilt, and--of course--the conversation went to what was under the kilt, which--also obvious--was nothing. "Nothing" was explored, apparently for several hours. After all of this nothing, hottie said to my gay man, "You have to meet my boyfriend. He's upstairs." So they went upstairs. And a threesome ensued. And it was life-changing. I will spare you the details.

Stylist friend ended this story with, "So you see? Next time you should come."

What, pray tell, do you think I would have been doing at this party? I have no words.


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