Sunday, April 6, 2008

i'm back and i may not feel well soon

Given that I aspire to a vegan diet (I haven't quite gotten there yet), I'm always looking for alternative sources of protein. I love going to Chinatown to scope out new tofu creations, some of which have been a bigger hit than others.

Tonight for dinner I went all crazytown and cooked this sucker.

soybean chicken
Yes, soybean made chicken, in the shape of a chicken--I guess. I was a bit suspicious of this, not just because none of the ingredients sounded tasty, but also because the cooking instructions were "microwave 3-5 minutes."

So I microwaved it for 4 minutes. Then I decided I should add something that people normally eat with chicken. Of course, I don't really know what that is, since I haven't eaten chicken in well over a decade. But I had a sneaking suspicion that green peas might work. After all, the people I know who eat lots of chicken are pretty white and peas are a white person food. Or so my reasoning went.

So here it is on a plate with some peas. (BTW, you're seeing it without sauce, since I wanted to taste it first to decide what sauce would go best--and taking a bite would ruin the integrity of the "chicken" for the shot. I ended up adding soy sauce.) How's this for a white bread meal?

cooked soybean chicken
You know what? I don't know if it tasted remotely like chicken, but it was delicious. Really.

But here's where the story goes wrong: I finished the whole plate and then decided to go back and read the package again. I read the amount of everything per serving and it didn't sound so bad: 7g of fat, 334 mg of sodium, 6g of protein, 1.4g of sugar. But then I went back and read this: 20 servings per container. So I just ate a plate that had 140g of fat, 6,680mg of sodium, 120g of protein and 28g of sugar.

Is this even possible?! It seems to me that if I really just ate 120g of protein I'd feel a bit more full than I feel right now. And I don't even want to think about what that somewhat excessive amount of fat and sodium might be doing to my organs right now.

This has the potential to be much worse than the misguided Dairy Queen visit. Help.


Jon said...

Try making your own seitan. It takes some weird ingredients, but you can find them online, and it's really easy. It just looks kind of disgusting while it's cooking.

The Lorax said...

Tonight @ 10... how healthy soy can kill. We have the exclusive interview next.

Holy cow... 20 servings from one fake-pimpled chicken? That's nasty.

complain away said...

Jon, this probably sounds weird, but seitan is getting kinda commonplace for me. My digestive system has been craving change. I'm not sure this is the change it needs, though.

Lorax, I feel it would be very amusing if I were typing a Dr. Seuss version of your soy interview right now. Alas, I am not.

Complaint Department Manager said...

That chicken looks like one of my dog's squeaky toys! This is too funny.

Whiner Girl said...


Emory said...

vomicks .... heaves ..... vomicks again!

Heysus, Mary and Joseph.

I would rather eat a Vegan, than eat what Vegans eat. Dahling please....