things that have been said to me in an elevator

I live in a downtown condo building with a mishmash of characters, ranging from university students from Hong Kong whose parents have bought them a condo, to retirees who walk around the building with a parrot on their shoulder, to young singles always looking to pick up.

In the category of singles looking to pick up, one in particular comes to mind. He's a 42-year old buyer for a few upscale clothing stores in the city and he's dating a beautiful 26-year old. He has oodles of cash and owns several ridiculous cars. Over the five or so years that he's lived down the hall from me, he's shown a penchant for ridiculous lines he believes will make me want him. As of yet, not one has had the desired result, but I feel the need to share some of my faves:

- Your car needs to go into the shop? Well, do you drive standard? Why don't you just take my Porsche keys now and drive it when you need to? I have the other cars so I don't really need it.

- On anyone else, those jeans would be too short, but you know you can pretty much pull off anything.

- I knocked on your door last night but you didn't answer. How late is it OK for me to knock?

[To my neighbour Joe, who I love, who is trying to set me up with a friend - in front of me, of course] - Don't set her up with that guy. Does he know that this girl isn't someone you just date, she's the girl you get a house with?

- Joe's coming over later to smoke some pot. Why don't you come? If you can't make it down the hall after, you can just wake up at my house tomorrow.

[Today, after I had inches of my hair cut off, and got a new piercing] - You're a different kind of chick, huh? I like that.

[and my personal favourite - because this is what you say to a girl to impress her] - I think it's going to end with the girlfriend soon. She wants to have sex all the time and you know, I'm just not that into sex.

RainyBow